


in silence

by HellionWolf



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: ABO, Alpha / Beta / Omega, Alpha Katsuki Yuuri, Angst, Coach Victor Nikiforov, College Student Katsuki Yuuri, Depressed Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Omega Victor Nikiforov, Sad, Sad Victor Nikiforov, Soulmates, Supportive Katsuki Yuuri, bondmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-20 10:21:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11918844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellionWolf/pseuds/HellionWolf
Summary: a single conversation sparks a downward spiral for Victor





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is angsty, please turn back if you don't like MPreg, I can't tell you much without giving it away. However, I'm not very subtle so I'm sure you could figure it out.

 

> Victor lurched forward, sitting upright in the bad so quickly, Makkachin yelped in surprise. The poodle having been nestled between him and his mate. Yuuri sensing something was wrong sat up shortly after.
> 
> "Victor, what’s wrong?" Yuuri mumbled as he attempted to rub the sleep from his eyes. Fighting back the yawn with all his strength
> 
> "Nothing, go back to sleep," Victor told him flatly, as he got out of bed. His bare feet finding slippers with ease.
> 
> "Come back to bed," Yuuri protested as he rolled slightly to Victor's spot on the bed, attempting to reach out to him. Victor shook his head.
> 
> "I'm not sleepy, I'm going to sit up with Makka. You go back to sleep you have an exam tomorrow," Victor told him as he pulled the blankets back over Yuuri. He knew once Yuuri was warm again his mate would be fast asleep. He waited until Yuuri drifted back  before he headed out of their room.
> 
> Finding his way around their New York apartment was easy. Despite their combined wealth, their space was small. Victor wanted to be close to Yuuri's school and finding a place that allowed Makka wasn't easy either. But even with all the troubles, Victor loved their little apartment.
> 
> Heading to the cupboard he pulled out his favorite mug and filled the cup with water, placing it inside the microwave. He watched the countdown so he could catch it before the beep, the last thing he wanted was for Yuuri to know that he was making tea. His mate would have a small fit, Yuuri always protested microwaved tea.
> 
> With a hefty spoon full of jam, Victor headed toward the small window. He pushed out the bottom of the window to allow nighttime sounds and air to waft into the apartment. Leaning against the wall with his attention outside, Victor drank the tea in silence.
> 
> Echoes of his earlier conversation with Yuuri replaying in his head. One of Yuuri's classmates was having a baby and it was the first time Yuuri approached the topic. It was over dinner. Victor nodded and agreed with Yuuri, having a baby could be exciting. Something in their shared future. Victor hadn't even considered the possibility simply because he harbored a secret, one he was terrified to talk about.
> 
> Mentally avoiding the topic as well he looked out onto the New York nightlife. The tea being lazily sipped until it went cold, Victor blamed the microwave. Leaving the window slightly open, Victor poured the leftover of his cold brew down the kitchen drain. Makka having realized Victor wasn't going back to bed appeared at his side. Her damp nose nudged at his leg until his fingers went into her fur.
> 
> "Hey girl," He whispered his voice feeling oddly out of character. Trying to ignore the darkness hanging over his heart, Victor ventured away from the kitchen into the sitting room. Relaxing with his back against the arm of the couch, he coaxed Makka up to sit in his lap. She placed her head on his belly as she slid down slightly to lay down. He toyed with her brown fur, humming something softly to her and himself.
> 
> Sleep eluded him until dawn and even up until he heard the alarm. Yuuri uttered his mild complaints before the shower started. Victor got up to start breakfast, he went through the motions and presented a warm meal for his mate, with perfect timing.
> 
> Yuuri emerged from their bedroom dress smartly but not overly flashy. Victor forced a smile and instantly Yuuri knew something was wrong.
> 
> "You never came back to bed, are you feeling sick?" Yuuri asked out of concern for his mate. Victor shook his head, content with eating nothing and drinking another cup of jam-tea. This one properly made on the stove.
> 
> "I was just restless. I'll probably cut practice with Yurio short tonight and go to bed early," Victor explained, Yuuri nodded in approval.
> 
> "I have that study group tonight, so I'll probably be back late," Yuuri reminded his mate before checking his watch and realizing he needed to leave or risk being late.
> 
> "I love you!" Victor called out as Yuuri took his school bag and bagged lunch, he was out the door with his own 'love you too' called back.
> 
> Pulling up his phone he clicked on Yurio's name and dialed it.
> 
> "What do you want old man!?" Yurio asked without a formal greeting.
> 
> "Practice is canceled today. I'm not feeling well," Victor told him, clicking the phone call over without waiting for Yurio's reply.
> 
> "Makka, come here girl," The poodle came without protest at the sound of her owner's voice. She appeared at his feet, tongue lolling out as she wiggled for his attention.
> 
> "Let's go for a walk," She barked in happiness before heading toward her basket near the door. Clever as she was, Makka withdrew a lead and a little doggie bag pouch. Returning with the items, Victor smiled. He changed in a few short minutes and headed out with Makka right beside him. He hoped that fresh air would help the sadness in his heart.
> 
> \----
> 
> The nearby park was pretty quiet. School aged children were in school leaving the playground barren and still. However, there were sounds of joyous laughter from mothers and their babies, the ones too small for the structures. Victor lead Makka away from those areas despite the poodle's whines of protest. She loved little kids.
> 
> Doing his best to focus on the walk, Victor paused at the sound laughter. Turning to find the source, he spotted a young girl with pigtails running for Makka. She almost stumbled three different times before finally catching the poodle and grabbing a fist full of her fur. Makka didn't mind, instead he curled slightly to lick at the girl's cheek. Victor gently corrected her, that was a display of bad doggie-manners.
> 
> Instead of being hurt by the scolding, Makka focused on nudging the little girl. Concerned for the seemingly lost child, Victor paid more attention to the people around him. Until he heard distressed shouting from just a little way back.
> 
> "Holly! Holly! Where are you, sweetie!" Came a voice, Victor felt his heart pick up. The panic in the parent's voice was real. Bending down, Victor got close to the little girl with his big heart smile to keep her calm.
> 
> "Are you Holly?" He asked the little girl nodded before pointing to Makka's fur.
> 
> "Soft! Puppy!" She shouted at him. Victor kept up his smile as he agreed with the small child.
> 
> "Yep, Makka is a soft puppy. Can I have your hand so we can walk to your parent?" He asked, offering up his hand to the young girl. She nodded and took his hand, the other secured in Makka's fur. The three of them set out to follow the voice.
> 
> Just around a corner, there stood a man with a baby stroller in front of him a frantic look in his eye.
> 
> "Papa!" She shouted before letting go of both Makka and Victor to run for him. The man dropped to his knees, as he scooped her up.
> 
> "Holly why did you scare me like that, I was so worried," He told her bringing her tight to him and holding her tight for a while. It was clear from such a display, that the man was an alpha and likely re-scenting his little girl. The man realized Victor was still nearby and adjusted the little girl to be on his hip and pushed the stroller with just one hand.
> 
> "Puppy!" Holly shouted again, pointing down to Makka who did a little prance at more attention given to her.
> 
> "Thank you so much for finding her. One second she was there then poof, gone. " The man told Victor, offering hands for a shake. Victor returned it with a small smile.
> 
> "Your welcome, have a good day. Say goodbye Makka," Victor told the small family, Makka gave a little yip before following after Victor. Their walk continued for a few more minutes until Victor's stomach rumbled. Realizing he hadn't eaten anything beyond jam and tea, he decided to head back.
> 
> Returning home, he fixed himself a small lunch and fed Makka. Now with his day free from practice, there wasn't much for Victor to do but wait for Yuuri, something he regretted the moment he sat down.
> 
> A heaviness in his body that he had since waking up in the middle of the night continued to grow. It morphed from a gray cloud to a heavy dark storm within his chest. Curling up on Yuuri's side of the bed, Victor attempted to drink in whatever scent lingered. He did miss Yuuri when they were apart, but this was a different kind of longing. One that he didn't want to think about but still wouldn't go away. While he remained silent in his sorrow, Victor felt a sort of hollowness. An emptiness he decided to face alone.
> 
> Hours passed since his return from the walk and still, Victor hadn't moved. All sense of Yuuri's scent was gone from his side of the bed. Makka had whined for attention but Victor didn't do much to comfort her. The sudden and deep sorrow over taking him. Even his phone was ignored, despite Yuuri's texts about dinner and Yurio's angry voicemails. Victor didn't move. It wasn't until a familiar ringtone went off that Victor picked up.
> 
> "Victor? Are you alright? Yurio said you cancelled practice because you are sick. Do you need to go to a doctor? I'm out of class and I can cancel the study group and take you. Victor?" Yuuri's words were fast, speaking to his anxious state.
> 
> "I'm fine, just not feeling well, go to your group," Victor replied, his voice flat. However, that didn't change Yuuri's mind.
> 
> "I'll be home soon. Please be ready, I'll take you to the doctor," Yuuri told him before tapping the phone, the call over. Victor wanted to groan out of protest but instead he dropped his phone down to the pillow and waited.
> 
> Yuuri arrived home in record time. He was on the phone, explaining he was going to miss the group before he shut the door behind him. Expecting to see Victor sick on the couch, Yuuri was surprised to see the living room barren. Following the scent of heartache that hung like a death shroud in the air, Yuuri found Victor in their bed.
> 
> "Victor? Are you awake?" Yuuri asked, moving to sit on the bed with Victor.
> 
> "I'm sorry," Victor whispered.
> 
> "For what?"
> 
> "For never telling you,"
> 
> "Telling me what? Victor I don't understand. Please what is wrong?"
> 
> "I'm sorry," He repeated, his voice detached, sounding pained.
> 
> "Vitya you are scaring me. What happened? Are you hurt? Did you break something?" Yuuri asked, his voice again speeding up, verging on frantic. He hadn't ever seen Victor in such a state, it was making his own chest ache and everything feel wrong. Perhaps it was their bond making him feel that way, but without a word to his sudden angst, there was nothing he could do. That scared him more. Instead of Victor replying right away a silence grew between them. One that felt as if it lasted for years.
> 
> "I don't want to tell you...you won't love me anymore," Victor finally spoke, his voice soft like a whisper.
> 
> "Impossible. I'll always love you, we are soulmates," Yuuri was quick to reply, moving to the bed to wrap himself around Victor. Pressing close and holding Victor.
> 
> "What I did is terrible and it's unforgiveable,"
> 
> "I should be the one to decided that but if you truly don't want to tell me I understand,"
> 
> "Remember Sochi?"
> 
> "Barely, I mean I was pretty drunk but I remember some of it.
> 
> "Remember what we did in your hotel room?"
> 
> "Yes..." Yuuri wasn't stupid and was starting to piece together the possibilities from what little information he was getting at a time.
> 
> "I had three reasons to go to Japan. One reason was to be your couch, second was because I knew we were soulmates. The third was because of something else,"
> 
> "Vict-" Yuuri was doing his best not to sound annoyed but Victor's roundabout way of talking was making him worry more until Victor's voice cut in, stopping everything at once.
> 
> "I was pregnant," Yuuri moved Victor, but quickly came around the bed. He stared up at his mate from his new spot on the floor of the bedroom. Victor nodded, his face full of slipping tears as he laid there on his side. The tears fell and damped his hair and the pillow. "She had to yours, you were the only alpha at the time and I'm always careful but I think the soulmate thing made the suppressants stop," Victor explained. The release of his secret opening the floodgates and information came pouring from his lips. "I confirmed it right after worlds and I was going to take off the time to have her. Then I saw the video and I wanted to have her with you there," Victor explained, his eyes falling shut as he relived the memory of finding out and watching the video for the first time.
> 
> Yuuri remained silent, studying the features of his mate carefully. Unable to force words out.
> 
> "I was cleared by the doctor and flew out to see you. I was so happy to see you but then you didn't remember me right away, but I knew it would be okay in the end. We were soulmates after all. But something happened. I felt really sick and something wasn't right. I went to the clinic. They confirmed it. I was having a m--" Victor stopped, unable to say the word but Yuuri understood. Instead of waiting for more, Yuuri moved to kiss Victor's forehead.
> 
> "I'm not angry,"
> 
> "I lost her...I'm a terrible omega..." He whispered, voice catching in his throat. Memories of the doctor's broken English explaining what happened. The pain of knowing he couldn't tell anyone returned. He vowed to keep it a secret but the conversation that felt like a life time ago brought it all back.
> 
> "No, you are not!" Yuuri replied, his voice a little more forceful then he expected. However, it served to snap Victor out of his memory loop.
> 
> "I lost-"
> 
> "Shh. Things like that happen all the time. You did nothing wrong," Yuuri reassured him with soft touches, wiping away the tears.
> 
> "What if we can't ever again? What if that was our only chance?" Victor asked, spouting off concerns as they came to him. Yuuri hushed him again by gently tugging him to sit up.
> 
> "Victor, you are my soulmate. No matter what I will always love you. Baby or no baby,"
> 
> "You mean it...you’re not angry?"
> 
> "Victor, I'm upset you didn't tell me. I'm upset that I can't help you through this. It’s hard for me to connect with you on this because I didn't know for so long, but know that I am here for you now. You don't have to be silent about it anymore," Yuuri explained to him, reaching up to place his hand to Victor's cheek. Victor remained silent, but nodded. His eyes still red and damp with unshed tears.
> 
> "I'm sorry,"
> 
> "Don't be sorry anymore," Yuuri reminded him as he placed a soft kiss to his lips. Victor kissed him back but focused more on pulling Yuuri close to him. "What can I do for you?"
> 
> "Hold me,"
> 
> "Every day until my last days,"


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri realizes that the English word 'almost' is the saddest word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave it alone! So there is a shorter second chapter. See notes for some news!

A cold nose to his leg alerted the alpha of Makka's presence. Leaning up a bit he spied the brown poodle curling up with her head on Yuuri's thigh. She didn't mean to wake him and offered a short whine, a way of saying sorry. Reaching down to ruffle her ears, Yuuri settled back in and pulled Victor closer to him.

Yuuri wasn't sure when he fell asleep but judging the time on the clock, it was nearly 10 pm. Victor wasn't asleep, Yuuri was able to tell that by how softly he was breathing. Victor snored lightly when he slept. Sensing that there was a lot still clouding his mate's mind, Yuuri attempted to burrow his face into the nape of Victor's neck.

"Vitya? How are you feeling?" Yuuri asked, his voice muffled by the fabric of Victor's shirt.

"Okay," He replied, pressing back against the warmth of Yuuri.

"Hungry? Or maybe some tea?"

"Tea would be good,"

"Be back soon," Yuuri told him as he untangled himself from behind Victor and headed for the kitchen.

Once he placed the kettle on the stove, Yuuri pressed his back against the counter and let the reality of almost being a father finally sink in. When he heard it, the alpha didn't know what to think. Looking back, it explained Victor's few nights spent drinking until he threw up. At first, Yuuri hadn't thought anything of it, little did he know at the time that his future mate was dealing with such a loss. The kettle cried, shaking the alpha out of his thoughts. Easily falling to the task of making Victor's his tea, Yuuri couldn't help but dwell.

All the 'what if's' crashed down on him hard, nearly bring the alpha to his knees. In fact, he had to cling to the counter with his knuckles turning white from hanging on. He almost had a family. He almost had a young child running around the apartment, chasing after Makka and crying to be picked up. The thoughts were quickly overwhelming and Yuuri had to let go of the counter and slip to the floor. There he sat, pulling his legs close the idea of a black hair child with Victor's eyes, or perhaps a silver haired little one with Yuuri's dark eyes. In all truth, the alpha didn't care, all he would have wanted was to see a happy healthy baby. The mere thought of Victor carrying around a baby at his hip filled him with longing. When the idea of babies first came up, it was just a maybe. Something to talk about. Realizing it was stolen before he knew it was his dug deep and burrowed into his heart leaving an emptiness.

Covering his eyes, Yuuri took off his glasses to wipe away the few tears that he hadn't noticed. A twinge of guilt added to his hurt. He was finally feeling a fraction of what Victor had been suffering in silence. Carefully getting up, Yuuri knew he needed to comfort his mate, he needed to make up for all of it.

Yuuri sighed in relief considering the tea was decently warm. Returning to their room, Yuuri softly shooed Makka to the other room and closing the door. He wanted just the two of them in their room.

"Vitya?"

"Hm?"

"I have tea,"

"Okay," Victor replied, his voice gradually returning to normalcy but Yuuri had a strong feeling it was being forced that way.

"I know you probably don't want to talk, but please listen to me," Yuuri's words were carefully chosen as he placed the warm cup on the nightstand. Victor nodded before moving to sit up. Yuuri watched Victor drink the tea before he took in a breath, calming his nerves. The alpha stood before his mate before bending at the waist and bowing before him.

"I am sorry for not being there for you. I realize that you've taken care of me a lot when it should have been mutual. Please forgive me," His words were rushed, but Victor was able to understand everything said.

"Yuuri! We weren't even official mates then!" Victor protested, slamming the cup on the table and pulling Yuuri forward and into a hug. Yuuri pulled back right away and shook his head.

"But we are soulmates! I know something was wrong but I ignored the feeling. I knew you were hurting but I did nothing," Yuuri replied his words hitching in his throat, his eyes growing damp again.

"It's okay, I should have told you,"

"I should have asked,"

"We both should have done a lot of things," Victor stated with a bit of sharpness, meant only to shake Yuuri out of his negative cycle. The alpha stared at his mate for a second before nodding, finally accepting Victor's embrace. The two clung to each other for a moment, until Yuuri's tears finished falling. Similar dampness to Victor's cheeks but neither of them cared.

Gradually moving apart, Yuuri moved his hands to rest on Victor's cheeks, his thumbs clearing away the leftover tears.

"Vitya, I love you with all my heart and I would like to have a family with you," Yuuri explained, holding Victor's gaze. There was a soft audible hitch in Victor's throat but no more tears fell, not that Yuuri would have minded. "I know we can't turn back time and we can't have back what we lost, but I need you to know that it’s okay. We will be stronger for it and any future baby we have will be loved so much," Yuuri added and Victor nodded along with him in agreement. Victor's reply was unspoken but understood through the slow close of his eyes and the way he rubbed his cheek into Yuuri's palm. "No more secrets, we do everything together. Forever -"

"And always," Victor cut him off with a  whisper but Yuuri didn't mind. Victor moved forward to press his lips to Yuuri's, kissing his mate with everything he had to give.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! News here!  
> I will be writing a longer fic that takes places a few months after this one. Keep an eye out for that!
> 
> Just a little bit of world lingo. Soulmate & Fated-mates are used interchangeably. It describes the sort of mates that are perfect for each other and often times have indescribable chemistry. Which explains Victor's pregnancy (he was on suppressants but they stopped working because on a biological level he and Yuuri are perfect for each other). More world building can be seen in my fic 'Happy This Way' featuring Otapliroy. Warning it does have smut. Another note to be made for those visiting from Happy This Way. Three-way fated mates do not exist. In fact in his world, Fated Mates make up only 1% of the population as a fated-mate. Fated-mates can only bond and mate with their fated partner, any effort to mate with a non-partner will never work. Which is how people in this world know if they have a soulmate or not. Yuuri and Victor are very special to have found each other and have a chance to grow together before bonding. 
> 
> I'd also like to thank everyone who sent comments! They all motivated me to post this next part. I hope you enjoy it as much as the first! 
> 
> Comments are always greats 
> 
> As always thanks for reading and I hope to see your comments. Check me out on tumblr http://writingsonhellswalls.tumblr.com/  
> I accept prompts there! 
> 
> Thanks again!  
> \- Heli

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm glad you made it to the end. What did you think? Please leave a comment below telling me what you liked or didn't like, please be polite either way. 
> 
> This is a standalone fic living in the same verse as my 'Happy This Way' fic featuring Otapliroy. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr: http://writingsonhellswalls.tumblr.com send prompt over there if you like. 
> 
> Interested in seeing more of my Omegaverse or just more of Omega Victor and Yuuri let me know! I've been considering writing them their own longer fic. 
> 
> Once again thanks for reading and don't forge to comment!


End file.
